wow it has been like a year since ive done this thing. I mean does it really contribute to my life anymore? really...? I think not. I mean I haven't really written anything other than notes in charts, and...emails on occasion. And its not like I aspire to have any creative growth or anything anymore. ya its nice to reflect..but i mean, why should other people reflect along with me? I think that this is a sign that I'm officially old, the good old days are over, and now I can officially stop writing in this thing. RELIEF!

OMG i cant believe its nov. Im getting my teeth out in two days and hopefully i dont barf for 2-3 days b/c i have a new pt weds afternoon..that would make a poor impression, vomiting is not a good characteristic for dentists. i am OBSSESSED lately with hospital dentistry, i mean it. obbsessed. i think i just love working in a hospital and that enviornment.or maybe it was because there wasnt tons of pointless paperwork, and assistants, more staff, no checkpoints and people to tear down the cubicles. maybe its because all of the GPR residents were awesome and knowledgable...maybe because it was exciting as hell. or maybe its because i learned a ton about prosth from z, and how to deal with seriously medically compromised patients...maybe its because i finally saw SQUAMOUS CELL CARCINOMA, a full arch of hypercementosed apices, worked on my first AIDS patient, did a freaking GINGEVECTOMY, bordermolded, worked with autistic, trisomy 21's, tetramy 12's, a deaf, blind, mute patient, saw a patient with 0 neutrophils, watched some GA and had some time to do some serious brain work instead of all the extra technician/secretary work this D3 year. DAMNIT. i think i need to spend more time there, because for ONCE i was completely happy doing that work, even though my feet ached, and i had back pain, i almost got beaten up by the mentally impaired, and i had to wake up damn early and come back home late. i loved it, it was a great experience, and i want to learn more. I need to email Z, and find out when/how I can come back. Z is probably the most approachable professor I've had. anyone who can motivate me for PROSTH of all things, has seriously made a difference. now that ive done border molding, and made partial wax rims. determined ovd...i think i can put all the steps together and get some work done...instead of palputating the entire time. I AM MOTIVATED!

D3 updates mid-sept

Ok man, so things are kind of cooling down..theres not too much more madness in clinic as of yet, after the impossible pin retained amalgams on hopeless teeth with just a thin veil of dentin surrounding the pulp, severe..SEVERE halitosis that penetrates through the mask, dementia and macroglossia...not to mention the obesity...nothing can be that bad..as far as i know. I have to see moon facies a few more times but thankfully most of the work is maxillary and with a biteblock next time she will stop talking. oral surg is exhilarating and makes me think that maybe med school would've been cool too, whatever...its not my fault dental school killed my spirit..or was it just the midwest in general..probably a combo of the two. bastards. I can't wait to escape, in the meantime i'll maximize and deal with this. bah. btw, i finally have a tv and guess what...HBO. yes. thats right HBO BITCH. don't you forget it. Finally a splurge thats worthwhile. too bad they keep playing the interpreter all the time, but theres no way i'll complain about that shit. Anyhow so i cant believe rachel just got married, Im not even sure when but she is though..i am an absolute champion at losing touch with people, mostly because of my jzajza wannabe lifestyle and selfishness. but i am selfish and when i think about others i cant help but think that I should be thinking about myself instead. see? Selfish. thats why i have a minimal friend population compared to undergrad when i kept in touch with people...probably for selfish reasons of course. bah. anyhow, jackass 2 is coming out soon and i cant wait...i'll probably just rent it. but still, im glad the jackass phase isnt over b/c that was just simply amazing televsion. AMAZING. antique-ing..classic.

Oral surg is over, back to school D3

MAN oral surgery is the shit. I still suck at elevating but maybe i'll get the hang of it soon. im not the best at suturing either, but whatever, i learned a LOT. what a deluxe ass life with adventure in oral surgery, doing extractions on nazi's - with swastika tatoos!. high BP's, Passing outers, meth-mouths, drugged up 13 year olds etc. i cant stand the thought of seeing those disgusting people in clinic again, pungent breath full of shit, gosh and moon facies...its going to be hard. when all fails...refer to a D2 for your sanity. ok then, so my bullshit old nazi landlord from 413 is trying to pull some shit...are you kidding me? im almost SURE that our apartment was furnished...i dont think that I would have signed the lease otherwise...hopefully, HOPEFULLY its written on the lease and i can give her a thorough and LAST FINAL BASH. fuck you. I don't care about that house anymore Im just ready to get out. I'll be damned though if she tries to screw me out of any of my security deposit..i will be DAMMNED anyhow, hopefully some more people come to the book sale, the new d1 class is pretty boring but whatever, its not like i care anymore anyhow. I'm so happy that i will be getting cable tommorrow..,.i mean REALLLLLLY happy. I just need to figure out whats going on with my patients, especially for the pros stuff..and hopefully i can get some crown action too. ok. i need to go and figure ALLLLL of this stuff out. oh ya and i need to switch my insurance to crappy michigans one too, ok hopefully i can make this year deluxe and great, i just need a good start!

One week of freedom

Thats right, just one week. FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY i am back in california with absolutely nothing to do. nothingness is great, its better than doing things, and thats why I like it. Unfortunately its been about 24 hrs and the irritation has already set in, I refuse to expose my self to the outside in this sweltering heat and ruin my skin, in exchange for being surrounded by complete and utter social filth. Aka. the mall and everything around it. I cant believe how much i used to look forward to going to the mall, i mean REALLLLLLLLLY wait to go. I would lie and scheme and do everything just to get there, and now I avoid it at all costs. Thank god I removed myself from the lancracka bubble and got the hell out. Its only gotten worse since I've left, and the only real reason for coming here is for malhi's and to rot in peace in my own house. BTW, Finally I can shit and piss with ease. I've escaped the disease ridden whore house at 413 and moved into my deluxe 1 bedroom apartment, thats right a ONE bedroom. for ME. Freedom. Coming to lancaster also reminds me how ive COMPLETELY lost touch with all of my friends, and i mean almost ALLLLLL of them. Its too bad really, but thats life. Anyhow, hopefully my irritations will be cleared out when I get back to irvine, i LOVE irvine. Nordstrom rack, south coast, newport/huntington, cha for tea, the gypsy lounge, islands, cheesecake, and wahoos. If i had at least ONE of these things at school, life could be great and i could carry out my obbsessions..but no..its michigan so you cant expect too much. independent business bastards. Anyhow, i cant wait to see patti and merds and maybe even the abbey!? it would be nice to redeem myself but id have to seriously jzajza myself out and im just not used to it anymore. Ah i also finally will get my seven jeans hemmed, i have a feeling the cut wont be too nice but whatever, they are comfy. ok. off to tv land.

updates etc.

omg im eating less! finally. and its not a horrible struggle either. finally my large stomach has shrunken and its not thanksgiving every day. good baby.
stress levels are at a 10,
nervousness at a 10,
happiness is at...well 5 surprisingly!?
anger levels...9.5.

anyhow, ONE MONTH AND MY LIFE WILL BE SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER.

NEED A BREAK!

so i went to ashleys right now...what a rip off, but is nice to drink a hoegaarden again instead of crappy labatt..i mean labbatt isnt so crappy but its so fizzy and basically a last resort..kind of like tecate in california. can you believe will and grash is going to be done with!! thats horrible. that was such a good show, and its nice that gay people had some positive exposure on tv, even though its totally sterotypical. but i guess it wasnt SO bad because will wasnt exactly stereotypically gay compared to jack. plus i like graces clothes a lot anyhow, she is nicely skinny too..i need to get back to that level again. shit. you fatass. anyhow, im getting out of here and going to see a band tonight which will be a DAMN good change. sheesh. and guess what im going to dave matthews in a bit...i know ive always said i hate dave matthews but after i saw that thing on mtv with them and africa i kinda appreciate it more. besides, i'll take any opportunity to get the heck out of ann arbor and do something different. also after watching americas next top model ive decided that i need some more damn new clothes. clothes that fit and dont hurt my ass to sit in for 8yrs because otherwise life will just be a complete struggle. can you BELIEVE that its still like 50 degrees here...damn michigan. aghagah! i need a break, A CALIFORNIA BREAK.

D3 year!?!

endo camp is over...im a d3 basically, it doenst feel like it unfortunately with boards and existing in my hellhole, i cant wait to move out...maybe i'll decorate too...not sure what theme, but i'll figure it out as i go. i'll keep that shit clean also, no spideys/webs...kill them all. my leg looks like its still necrosing, this is what happens when you're brown, so i guess i'll have to wear pants for like 5 years now. who wants to look at the girl with the moldy spider eaten leg. it'll just be a freakshow. i hate them all. get me out of here..i need a serious and REAL break - vegassssssss.